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  • Writer's pictureDatura

Fear and Desire

The human mind is quite a peculiar thing.

So often you'll hear someone go into grave detail on a horrific subject- but their passion is palpable. They go into extreme detail about being ripped to shreds, at the mercy of nature. Their eyes dilate, and their breathing hitches; all clear signs of arousal.

It's easy to mistake their intense fear for obsession if you don't know better.

They both trigger dopamine and adrenaline.

The Fear-Desire link is the root of nearly all of my fetishes, and most likely yours as well.

It even took me years of reflection to be cognizant of that alone.

It all began with my fear of being waterboarded in the future. It's a strange thing for a young girl to be worried about, but it was all encompassing for me.

I was certain that I would one day be working in military intelligence and would have to utilize SERE(survival, evasion, resistance, escape) training. My biggest fear had been drowning, so waterboarding soon began to become the target of my fetishization.

It was the only thing that truly scared me.

After a few rounds of pure terror, I began to relax into the stream of water pouring onto the suffocating rag. My breathing began to grow heavy and laboured, my body writhing and moaning.

It's not surprising that my body responded positively, as I adore breath play in all other capabilities but this was different.

It's so much more intense than anything else I've experienced, and it feels like every cell in your body is drowning.

It feels nearly psychedelic as you gasp for air, your body doing anything to avoid that stream of water. You have no choice but to surrender to your fears.

Almost like a switch was flipped in my mind, and whatever I feared the most became my newest kink. I began to utilize this approach to nearly everything that made me uncomfortable: Sonic experiences, sensory overload, total enclosure, medical and dental scenes. They all planted their seeds deep within me, shaping what I now desire the most.

I managed to do what I thought was the impossible- alchemize my terror into near pleasure.



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